Rhythm
December 2025
Its no news that everything changed when Sharath died, and quite frankly I’m not trying to start another story with that landmark event. But, it was a pivoting point for me in my life - and now, a year later, I’m reflecting on 2025 in general and I think i’m finally hearing the answers to the question I’ve been asking since last summer “whats next?”...
Funny enough I first realized things were changing in a big way when I started reading fantasy novels again! I hadn’t “allowed” myself to read fiction in years, preferring to use my reading time as time to study philosophy and read psychology and self help books. Opening up these strikingly different worlds of magic and lore and “anything goes” realities was a refreshing jump into the deep end. It was like I could feel my inner child sighing “yesssss finally!!!”. I leaned into these stories with a passion and emotional attachment I haven’t allowed myself toward most things in years. In pursuit of my yogic/buddhist mentality of nonattachment and keeping the mind still - I had shied away from things that packed an emotional punch. But man, I re-read Acotar and I was ON THE RIDE haha!!
But I digress, thats when I realized I was shifting into someone “new”. A better combination of my younger self, and the wisdom I’ve gained from life experience.
I felt my edges softening. I felt myself question my motives. It seemed my heart was finally ready to speak, revealing an inner truth I had probably ignored for too long.
And then, like taking a deep cleansing breath, I created space in my life to breathe, to loosen up, to find JOY. Joking that our trip last summer was my “ Eat Pray Love” trip, I embraced the joy of living with true presence, gratitude and acceptance. The more I softened, the more I had moments of joy and contentment. The more I asked myself what truly matters in life, the more present I felt and the deeper I sank into connection with those around me.
The Matrix of life was revealing her beauty, and *big surprise* -most of it wasn’t in the yoga room.
It started with the death of an icon
Though we had shoulders to cry on
It fell apart before we knew what was next
I’ve tried my very best
All this time I’m still showing up
Like a flood of childhood nostalgia
Other worlds call to me
Lost in fantasy, I know but,
Isn’t it all for the joy of life anyway?
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It started with a sudden reinvention
It forced my hand and then,
I started softening my edges over time.
Shaping pockets of my life…
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Let yoga show you the way…
My reliable advice for anytime we feel unsure or stuck or uninspired. But how do we see the path? If we get quiet enough, we can go deep enough to glimpse our inner compass…
This was a year of showing up. A year of sticking to the plan. I mounted my strength to present myself as the best partner, teacher and nurse that I could…
What now?
I settled in and sank so deeply into the *joy* of living during the first ⅔ of 2025. I was so sure that my trip to India and Nepal would bring some sort of shift, that for the first time ever, I had no problem being present and optimistic in my work and relationships. I blurred the edges a bit, remembering not to take life so seriously - enjoyed indulgent foods and extra rest days, and I put down the self help books in favor of fantasy and magic and romance.
Its like once I realized my life had the potential to go a billion different ways again, I allowed myself to explore passions and aspects of my life I had ignored for too long.
Sometimes the timelessness of my yoga practice hits me just right and I feel the tethers of time loosen. It could be 5 years ago, it could be yesterday, it could be right now…
And as I gear up for kapotasana, the mountain that she is, I reflect on what brings me to my mat. The level of perseverance and dedication I have developed feels significant, I keep showing up for these tough lessons illuminated in my asanas - but to what end?
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In the wake of human mortality
Lessons of impermanence permeate
Life feels full of brutality
We practice with the hope of escape
The circle of life
Instantaneous change
These wounds will leave a mark
Forced to rearrange
But now I dont know the path of my heart
I sank into the winter
I crawled my way into the spring
Decided not to be bitter
Decided I was addicted to dopamine
And I allowed myself the rest
I’m in my Eat Pray Love era
I loosened the grips on my ideas
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I keep coming back to the idea that this year is a “9” year, and it’s the “ending of cycles”. It seems oddly significant that 9 years ago I was graduating nursing school and starting ashtanga. What does the completion of a cycle mean for these two aspects of my life? They are basically the main pillars of who I am … strong a sturdy in their own way, each a foundation for the two halves of my soul. Perhaps the divide is whats dissolving. Perhaps where I have pushed for polarization in my lifestyles, I will finally find balance and cohesiveness.
9 is significant in numerology because it is the end of the numerology cycle, the final number. Karmic cycles come to a close, and themes for the last 9 years wrap up loose ends. Lessons are integrated and we shift into a new phase of expansion and growth.
The teachings I’m reading bring awareness to a deep sense of fatigue and overall desire to settle into a more gentle way of living. Blending, finding cohesiveness and moving forward from a place of surrender and dare I say submission?
Allowing life to cradle me, soften my edges, relax into rhythms that support wellness and joy. Isn’t it all about finding love and bliss?